Harry Potter and the Battle of Ateneo (the first)

As requested by some, I am reposting the first Harry Potter in Ateneo story :)

- Migoy Lizada

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"This started as three separate entries in my blog I must be honest and say that this was nothing but a mere product of boredom. I wrote this after re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and after asking myself "What would Ateneo be like if it was attacked by Voldemort and his dark creatures".

Friends who read my blog forwarded this to their friends who in turn forwarded it to their friends. At the request of my colleagues here in AnimoAteneo. com and people who have enjoyed this, I have edited and polished this story as well as added a few new elements to it.

Just a few pre-reading reminders:

This, in essence is a parody of Ateneo life. Yes, there are of course anti-school and UAAP-based jokes here and there but this mainly satirizes Ateneo life - the people, the language, the culture etc.

This is also a parody of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Its ending resembles the ending of the Harry Potter book. So if you have not yet read the book and you do not wish to be spoiled, I must warn you to read at your own risk.

My thanks to those who have enjoyed what-used-to- be-just-a- time-filler and to those who contributed several suggestions."

Chapter One: Before the Storm

Fr. Bienvenido Nebres SJ was just finishing the day's work when Harry Potter, a senior of the Ateneo de Manila, burst into his office.

"Fr Nebres!" Harry shouted

"Harry!" a surprised Nebres said. "I thought you were out of school destroying the horcruxes to kill Lord Voldemort."

"That's what I wanted to tell you. I discovered that there are two horcruxes here in Ateneo itself. Voldemort has enlisted the help of the De La Salle University and the University of Santo Tomas. They are coming."

"Don't worry, Harry." Nebres said "You know for a fact that Ateneo -- its teachers and students -- are more than capable of defending our Loyola campus. We will hold them off while you search for the horcruxes and destroy them. You will need this." He waved of his wand and out of the air appeared a sword. "The sword of St. Ignatius." Nebres said. "Powerful enough to destroy the two horcruxes."

"Thank you, Father" Harry said. And with that, he sped off to find the last two things which protect Lord Voldemort.

Nebres then waved his wand once more and this time, four people appeared in his office. "Marlu, Rudy, Toby and Joey. The school is in danger"

Nebres then explained the situation to the four Deans of the Ateneo de Manila University.

"I want you to assemble all remaining students in the college covered courts. We must evacuate the freshmen through Marikina. The sophomore, junior and senior students may stay and fight if they want to. Next, I need you to assemble all the teachers, both part time and full time."

Without a word, the four deans Disapparated and went on with their tasks. Nebres too Disapparated back to the Jesuit Residence and briefed the Society about the impending attack.

Fr. Adolfo Dacanay was the assigned to lead the Jesuits to battle "My team is ready to fight anytime anywhere. We will crush them!"

"Excellent." Nebres said

After a few minutes, Nebres, the four Deans and some members of the faculty and administration gathered in Xavier Hall to discuss the battle plan.

"The School of Humanities can summon mythical creatures to help defend us." Marlu Vilches said "The English Department professors are summoning creatures from Dante's Inferno and Greek Mythology as we speak. The Filipino Department is summoning all the manananggals and white ladies from the haunted trees on campus.

"The Philosophy Department" interjected Fr. Ferriols "is summoning creatures from Meron pond right now. Those rascals will soon feel the wrath of Meron! Magiging WALA silang lahat! Konsepto lamang yan sila!"

"Now is the time to test the newest chemicals and inventions from our SEC laboratories. " Toby Dayrit said, "The Department of Environmental Science professors are enchanting the trees to life right now. We will purge them with the help of Mother Nature."

"I have just received a call from MVP" Rudy Ang said "Reinforcements from Makati are coming soon."

"My apples and sunshine are ready to fight as well" Tim Gabuna said. "Go CERSA!"

"I have just finished briefing my school. The Department of History is ready to fight. The Western history professors led by Dave Lozada and JoEd Tirol are summoning the three hundred Spartans and soldiers from the World War II to fight. Fr Bulatao and the Department of Psychology are locked inside the SocSci Conference room right now. They will use their psychic powers to toy with our enemy's mind."

"I have roused the athletes also." Norman Black beside Ricky Palou said "They are ready to put up One Big Fight with their super strength."

A voice interrupted them. "I KNOW YOU ARE PREPARING TO FIGHT! You are no match for us! I have allied myself with the La Salle brothers and the Dominicans of UST. You cannot win against me, Jesuits. Push the limit! Animo Spirit! Give us Harry Potter and the sword of St. Ignatius and we will let you live! We will even let you win some of the games."

Chapter Two: More Help

The Ateneans ignored the warning and instead began to prepare for the impending battle. A few minutes later, the voice shouted for a second time:

"I can see you are not listening! It is such a pity. What happened to your Prayer for Generosity? Give me Harry Potter and the Sword of St Ignatius. Give without counting the cost, you always say! You have until midnight. I also call on all students of La Salle Greenhills and La Salle Zobel. It is not too late. Come and join us. Convert! Repent!"

Fr. Dacanay, interrupting his briefing with his exorcists turned and said "The idiot is taking the prayer out of context. Besides, St Ignatius also said to fight without fear of being wounded. And we will do just that."

Three figures -- two women and a man -- suddenly appeared. "We are from the Department of Sociology and Anthropology" said the man.

"Ricky Abad!" Fr. Nebres exclaimed.

"I brought with me our Department Chair Bopeep Saloma-Akpedonu. And this is Czarina Medina, one of our newest lecturers. We apologize for being late. We were preparing our I-bombs."

"I-bombs? What are I-bombs?" Nebres asked.

"Ideology bombs. Once they detonate, they will spread false consciousness in the area -- the La Salle brothers and the Tomasians will think they are winning. It is all false really. We will use their pride against them."

"Excellent. Excellent." Nebres said. "And here comes Andrew Ty and Mark Escaler for the Department of Communication. "

"Yes!" Escaler said "we will infiltrate their communication processes by adding "noise" and ambiguity between the message relay of the sender and the receiver so orders can be reversed and thwarted!"

"The creatures from my horror films are coming!" Andrew Ty said. "We will use them to our advantage!"

"Father President! Some people are coming!" somebody shouted.

Some five hundred people then Apparated out of nowhere. Wearing either red or white shirts, they marched towards Nebres. A young man then stepped forward.

"We are from the University of the Philippines. " said the young man. "For years, our academic communities have built a strong relationship with each other. We have shared professors. We went to rallies together. We have had our differences. Yes. But in the end, our similarities and accomplishments outweigh our differences. .. We are here to help! We are honored to fight with Ateneo once more!"

Cheers and applause errupted from all sides.

"Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baka! Don't be takot! Let's make baba from the hill" the Ateneans cheered

Five minutes to midnight.

The School of Humanities stood with their mythical creatures summoned from the Classics, and the haunted trees and the gigantic swamp creatues from the Meron pond.

The John Gokongwei School of Management with their reinforcements from Makati, along with Venus Ibarra, Ricky Pilar and other professors.

The School of Science and Engineering with their mysterious inventions and weapons. The gigantic trees in the campus now walking sluggishly by their side.

The School of Social Sciences with their unique yet powerful defensive weapons; the Psychology Department ready for the psy-war.

The Ateneo Professional Schools ready to defend their Loyola-based counterparts; the two fraternities in the Law School forging a temporary alliance.

The Alumni, the D.A. (Dalandan's Army), led by Benjie Laza and Mon Cualoping.

The statues of Tomas More, Horacio dela Costa, the Blue Eagle come to life.

The students from U.P.

Two horcruxes left.

Now all is still, where Loyola's colors fly.

Chapter Three: One Big Fight

Midnight.

There was a burst of light emanating from the sky, brighter than the moon and the stars. What seemed like a horde of fireflies turned out to be arrows. Thousands of arrows. Tips on fire.

The arrows struck the Blue Eagle Gym. The oldest building in the University. The symbol of their athletic pride. Now aflame.

Toby Dayrit tossed a beaker of water to the burning building. He pointed his wand at the beaker now mid-air and shouted his spell "Magis." The water transformed into a surf huge enough to douse the fire. The Blue Eagle Gym was safe.

The archers outside roared their disappointment. But they shot again, this time targeting the Erenchun soccer field where some of the Ateneans were camped. Nebres pointed his wand at the arrows raining from the sky and shouted his incantation "Cura personalis" and the thousand arrows turned into bubbles.

The Ateneans cheered. The first two attacks of the LaSallians and the Tomasians have been thwarted.

"You have had your fun, Ateneans." a voice boomed. "Now it is time to get serious."

Darkness suddenly enveloped the University. The enemy had sabotaged their electricity. Immediately all the Ateneans took out and flickered their wands, "Lux in Domino" they chanted. Light emanated from all the wands.

The illumination came just in time as suddenly a stampede crushed the fences between Gate 2 and Gate 2.5. The Ateneans have realized the magnitude of their danger: it was not just the LaSallians or even just the Tomasians they were confronting; the other schools were there as well. A thousand green archers were riding the backs of the giant tigers of UST. Charging with them were the giant tamaraws and a hundred warriors whose bodies were painted red war paint. Above, falcons were soaring in the sky.

"YOU FOUL THINGS, noh?" somebody from the Ateneo crowd shouted, charging at the stampede; it was Tessa Rosana "How dare you attack us, noh? You don't know who you are dealing with, noh? TAKE THIS, noh?" She hit her gong with all her might. A powerful sound wave spread throughout the area knocking a hundred archers and animals out.

"HA! noh?" she triumphantly yelled.

And so the other Ateneans started counterattacking as well. David Lozada and his 300 Spartans. The ROTC cadets. The mythical creatures of the School of Humanities. Dalandan's Army.

Ricky Abad and the Department of Sociology soon deployed their Ideology Bombs prompting some of the LaSallians to cheer instead of fighting "Strawberry shortcake nananananana. " "Recticano! Recticano", allowing some of the Ateneans to easily knock the LaSallians out.

Somewhere near the Covered Courts, Norman Black was briefing his team, "Nonoy. I want you here. Chris, here. Jai, there. Alright? Any questions."

"Aaaaah! GOD DAMN IT!" a raspy voice screamed. It was Joe Lipa, former coach of the Blue Eagles, who arrived with the contingent from UP. "Just charge! Attack them! Now!" And so they did.

The LaSalle brothers and Francisco of UST were outside, watching the battle, waiting for their turn to strike.

A handful of LaSallians were found trotting back to their base.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" Francisco yelled.

"You told us to retreat!" the archer said.

"You idiot! That's just Escaler and Bulatao toying with your minds! Go back! That's it! I am joining the battle!"

She then stepped forward lifted her two arms and shouted "Tiger Power! Raar! Tiger Power! Raar!" The LaSalle brothers thought she had lost her mind. But then she suddenly transformed into a giant tigress, twice larger and fiercer than the ordinary tigers. Seeing their comrade ready and willing to fight, the LaSallians cheered.

"HOY!" Goldie the Tiger roared "NO CHEERING DURING BATTLE! NO CHEERING!" Then she advanced.

Her first target was Fr. Dacanay who was busy exorcising some of the archers and paralyzing them.

"FATHER! Behind you!"

Quickly, Dacanay whirled and performed his own counterattack "Expellus Inferius" blasting her into the middle of the Erenchun field, knocking her out.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! " The La Salle brothers shouted upon seeing their comrade down. "It is time we even the score."

The earth began to quake. And out of the night came a gigantic robot. It was DLRT; the LaSallians had transformed the LRT-1 into a robot.

DLRT was making quick work of the Ateneans and their creatures, crushing the mythical creatures here and there, tossing the trees brought to life by the Department of Environmental Science.

"Let us not lose hope!" Nebres said. "We are after all committed to hope."

"Now is not the time to talk about GK, Father!" somebody said.

"I am not talking about GK. I am talking about SECtor."

He pointed his wand the Science Education Complex. The building shook and assembled itself into a robot. SEC A was the head and the torso. SEC B became the left arm and leg and SEC-C became the right.

"Mang Freddie!" Nebres called.

"I am ready, Father!" shouted Freddie the man in charge of Escaler Hall which has now become the control room SECtor.

"Attack, Freddie! One Big Fight."

DLRT was no match and quickly collapsed under the strength of SECtor.

"Fr Nebres!" Harry Potter appeared. "Two horcruxes have been destroyed and..."

"Animo La Salle!" "Animo La Salle!" "Animo La Salle!"

There were screams of terror. The LaSalle brothers had entered the battle. They were using their most dangerous spell: The Animo LaSalle -- the Killing Curse!

Finale: The Animo Wand

Ateneans were dropping dead left and right. The Animo La Salle curse was unblockable. Some of the more veteran teachers provided extra defense and protection to the students but most of their efforts were futile.

Dacanay and his Jesuit team however managed to stun a few archers.

Victory however seemed far-fetched. Francisco had been revived from the Stunning Spell by Dacanay. Back in human form, she was battling Jai Reyes, Kirk Long and Chris Tiu at the same time. While the players were certainly skillful, Francisco was able to block all spells launched by the Blue Eagles.

Francisco pointed her wand at Chris Tiu and shouted "Animo La Salle!" But the curse missed him by an inch.

"Not Chris Tiu you BIATCH!" somebody shouted; it was Achoot Cuyegkeng. "Out of my way! Out of my way! SHE's MINE!"

Francisco laughed. " You are no match for me! I am the greatest servant of the Dominicans! What's gonna happen to your Loyola Schools after I kill you?! What's gonna happen to your Blue Eagles after I kill Chrissy?"

"You will never touch any of our students again!!" Cuyegkeng said.

Francisco laughed. And with her unerring skill as jack-of-all- trades professor Cuygekeng sent a Stunning Curse at her opponent. The curse hit her squarely on the chest, knocking her out once more.

"Enough!" Harry shouted. "Voldemort! Where are you? You have been using the LaSallians and the other schools to come after me. Where are you?"

"I am here, Potter." a voice hissed. The voice came from Bro. Armin.

"Brother Armin?"

"No! I am Voldemort! Armin is my past, present and future. See?" he wrote the word Armind then with a flicker of his wand the word became Voldemort.

"I don't get it." Harry said

"Ako rin!" an Atenean said.

"Ha? Can you make ulit?" another one shouted.

"How did Armin become Voldemort?"

"Bai, nalibog na ko!" A Cebuano Atenean shouted.

"Bah! Never mind! Anyone knows the La Sallians can't spell. So anyway, I stunned Armin a few days ago and using his name and face I used the school and all the other schools to come and find you!"

"But you are too late. I destroyed all the horcruxes!"

"No, Potter. I win. You see, while I was Bro. Armin. I was able to find the long lost and most powerful wand in the entire world -- the Animo Wand! And you will be its first victim!"

"Are you kidding me, Tom?" Harry said "Don't you get it? The wand chooses the school. The Animo wand does not belong to La Salle! It belongs to the Ateneo."

"No! You are the fool! The LaSallians have been cheering Animo La Salle for such a long time. The LaSallians truly own the wand and since I am a LaSallian for now, I own it. Die Potter die!"

"But you see, Riddle, you did not review University histories. If you did, you would know that the Ateneans used Animo Ateneo first. And they still use it now. There is even a website right now named AnimoAteneo. com. The Ateneans have reclaimed Animo Ateneo!"

Silence.

"So. It comes down to this, doesn't it?" Harry whispered "Does your wand know that its original owner still values it? If it does, I AM THE TRUE MASTER OF THE ANIMO WAND!"

Voldemort points his wand at Harry who in turn has prepared for the final duel.

"ANIMO LA SALLE!" Voldemort shouted.

"OH! GET. THAT. WAND!" Harry shouted.

The curse rebounded and hit Voldemort instead of Harry who caught the Animo Wand with his other hand. Cheers from the Ateneans and even some La Sallians, who realized that they were duped were all around.

That morning both Ateneo and La Salle forged a cease fire -- temporary because they next day was the Ateneo-La Salle basketball championship. Francisco who was revived after hours of being stunned decided to lift the "No Cheering!" rule during time out. However, she still flinches whenever Dacanay (or any Jesuit for that matter) would approach her.

There were however, a group of La Sallians who disagreed with having a cease fire. They believed that the death and defeat of Voldemort was unfair so they decided to file a protest. This was later junked due to lack of merit.

Epilogue. Nineteen Years Later.

It was the day of the ACET.

Harry Potter was accompanying his son Ben.

"Dad! What if I fail the ACET and end up in DLSU?"

Harry looked at his son and said "Bienvenido Adolfo! You were named after two of the most powerful Jesuits in the country. One of them is a good friend of ours. In fact he was the one who officiated our marriage."

"But... but... so what if I DO fail the ACET and end up in DLSU?"

Eh di bobo ka talaga! Harry thought. But he didn't say that. "But we will still love you as our son!" Harry said. "Alright. Your test starts in a few minutes. Make us proud. One Big Fight."

HP Sequel | Finale

Five
The Department of Scalpers

Araneta Coliseum
6:35 PM

“Lux in Domino” they all muttered and lights softly sparkled from their wands.

“The battle was a diversion” Harry said as they leaped over to the Lower Box and made the quick short jump to the Patron seats. “While you guys were busy fighting the clones, members of the League secretly enchanted the plants with a curse they designed and perfected over the years.”

“What does the curse do?” Miggy asked.

“The clones and the evil eagles should give you a clue.” Harry said “The League has been trying to destroy Ateneo for almost two centuries now and they failed each and every time. They couldn’t understand why. They burned the buildings, they had important Ateneans killed. Still, Ateneo endured. Now they found the perfect way to destroy us for good.”

“And what way is that?”

“C’mon guys. We don’t always like each other. Admit that. But somehow, we manage to restrain whatever dislike or even prejudice we have for each other. Psychologists call it repression, suppression or whatever. The green and yellow pollens you just saw awhile ago disable that function in our brains.”

“And so… Oh God!”

“That’s right. Unless we can find a way to reverse the effects, Ateneans will end up killing and destroying each other. Two years ago, we have proven to the League that not even our most powerful archrival could defeat us. Taking a leaf from a popular phrase: Walang makakapatay sa Atenista kundi kapwa Atenista.”

“So..” Gio said “Why are we here?”

“I’ve been gathering info from reliable sources for some time now. I learned from my spies that when the League was designing the curse, they accidentally discovered a cure. The formula for both the curse and cure is here. They handed it to one of their allies for safekeeping.”

“Who?” Rose asked

“The organization that has funded the League of Anti-Ateneans’ projects and experiments since the 1990’s” Harry replied.

They were now in the center of the basketball court.

“Stand back” Harry said as he pointed his wand downward “Alohamora”

The center circle split and opened, revealing a long dark spiraling staircase.

“We only have around two hours to recover the formula and concoct the antidote.” Harry said as they made their descent. “Or the effects will be permanent. There are three departments here…”

“Does the Araneta management know about this?”

“I don’t know.” Harry said “I don’t think so… Hey! I guess there’s a reason why it’s called an underground economy, right?”

Nervous chuckles echoed throughout secret as the group reached the bottom of the staircase. They quickly entered the one and only door in the floor. It was an elevator. Harry pressed the BL3 button.

“Basement Level 1” the recorded mechanical voice said after a few seconds of descent “Department of Bets and Odds. Kagawaran ng Pustahan”

The group remained silent.

“Basement Level 2: Department of Cooked Games. Kagawaran ng Mga Lutong Laro”

“Basement Level 3” the recorded voice said as the elevator doors slid open “Welcome to the Department of Scalpers. Maligayang Pagdating sa Kagawaran ng Iskalper.”

The place looked like an old office that was perpetually on a haphazard state. Papers were all over the place. On one desk were boxes marked “ADMU-DLSU Round 2 Tickets” “UAAP Cheerdance Tickets”

Written on the chalkboard on the wall were tables and figures like “Ticket Allocation for ADMU-DLSU, Round 2. Ateneo: 25%, DLSU: 25% Araneta Offices: 10% Agents: 40%” and “Agent Assignments: (1) Green Gate (2) Red Gate (3) McDonalds – Taft (4)….”

“C’mon guys. We don’t have time” Gio said “It’s gotta be around here somewhere…”

The Ateneans started opening and closing drawers and file cabinets, rifled through the paper stacks until Jauro shouted “Nahanap ko na!” waving a brown sealed envelope.

“Alright!” Rose said. “Let’s go quickly!”

A minute of quick sprinting to the elevator and a dash up the stairs passed and the group found themselves walking in the dark court again, illuminated only by their wands.

“Guys!” Gio said as the secret door closed behind them “I know we’re rushing. But. It’s just that. This is a difficult task for all of us. Can we just please offer a minute of prayer. So that God through St. Ignatius may guide us.”

“Good idea!” Miggy said

After a minute of silence, Gio said “St. Ignatius of Loyola…”

“Pray for us. Amen. ” the rest responded.

“Go LA SALLE!” somebody screamed

“Shhhh!”

“Idiot! You blew our cover”

“Lux in Domino Sesqui!” the Ateneans screamed, pointing their wands in different directions. A faint weak light illuminated the Coliseum, revealing the presence of the past and present Green Archers and a dozen of their loyal supporters.

“Very good, Ateneans.” Bader Malabes said “You found it. Now give it to us.”


Six
Overtime

Zen Garden
Ateneo de Manila University
7:00 PM

Members of the Dollhouse were celebrating not only because of the resounding victory but also because their group killed the most number of clones. Their celebration was put to a halt when somebody screamed “Taenang mga bakla! Go to heeeeeeelllll.” Insulted, the queen mother knocked the guy out with a Stunning spell saying “Che! Kala mo naman kung sinong maganda!” His friends who saw what happened started pulling their wands out, determined for a payback.

Shouts were likewise heard inside the Rizal Mini-Theatre as members of Tanghalang Ateneo, Entablado and Blue Rep started arguing over conflicting venue and equipment reservations in the past. The heated argument intensified when they started attacking each other’s aesthetics.

“Kayo naman!” Puro lang social consciousness ek-ek! Mga closet aktibista! Mag-UP na lang kayo!”

“At least nagsisikap kaming ipakita sa mga Atenista kung ano ang mga tanging isyu ngayon! Kayo? Kung anung-anong interpretation ang ginagawa! Hindi naman naiintidihan ng mga manonood! Kaya siguro mababa ang grade nila sa Lit at sa Fil!”

“HAHAHAH! You guys are so funny! People only watch your plays because their profs require them! People watch OUR shows even if they’re not asked to! Pathetic…”

Meanwhile, sophomore students in the House of Gokongwei started prowling the corridors of SOM and CTC, searching for the batchmate whose high score in the last Accounting exam affected the grading curve significantly…

Araneta Coliseum
7:00 PM

“I knew I couldn’t trust you” Harry whispered

“What do you mean, Harry?” Jauro asked

“We were Harry’s spies” Bader said “Harry asked us to contact the League and tell them that we still wanted to work for them. Earn the League’s trust so we can get more and more information from them. Well we did that, Harry. We gave you what you wanted.”

“So you really were part of the League?” Harry said

“No! But you don’t need to be part of the League to be Anti-Atenean. Right? You Ateneans think you can boss anyone around. Even your equals! Guess the League was right in that aspect. We gave you what you wanted, Harry. You wanted the information, you got it. We want the formula in exchange for our services. We betrayed the League. And now, surprise! We have backstabbed you as well…”

““Guys! Ano ba?” Gio said We have a truce and treaty, remember?”

“What Bro Armin does not know will not hurt him.” Maierhoffer said “Give us the formula…”

”Don’t you guys get it? Without this formula…”

“Oh! Don’t worry! We will make the antidote for you. We only want to keep the formula for the curse and the antidote as an insurance policy. Keep you arrogant Ateneans in check. You would not dare touch much less, beat us when you know we possess the very thing that could destroy you…”

“You plan to use the formula as blackmail?”

“Suddenly the Green Archers are not stupid eh?”

“No. You’re definitely not!” Harry said, motioning and signaling his companions to prepare to attack and run “Still. You really should not underestimate us and our fighting hearts.”

“WAHAHAHAHA!” a younger Archer broke the ranks and stood beside the veterans “He still thinks he can make bola. Itty, bitty, baby, Potty”

“Webb…” Nonoy said

“NONOOOOY” Webb taunted “How’s Bacon’s ribs?”

“Fine. And about to get payback” Nonoy said as whipped his wand out.

“ENOUGH!” Bader said. “Guys! Chill! Now Harry. All we want is that formula. We will kill you and take it from you anyway. Then we will watch your schoolmates tear themselves apart.”

“Over our dead bodies” Gio said

“HA!” Webb sneered “You dare challenge us? You FILTHY LITTLE BLUE BLOOD…”

“He’s right, you know” Harry said. Challenging you now would be suicide, I guess…”

“I know.” Bader said.

“Guess we’ll just have to risk it… NOW!”

“SUSPENDED!” Harry, Gio, Miggy, Jauro, Rose and Nonoy screamed sending all the Archers hanging mid-air.

“RUN! Get back to the Portkey!”

The enemies broke free from the spell quickly and started chasing the Ateneans in lightning speed

“Stupefy!”

“Split up!” Harry screamed.

“Suspended!”

“Animo La Salle!” The curse missed Nonoy, hitting and destroying an entire Lower Box row instead.

“Rose!” Jauro said as he passed the envelope to her. “Get back to the Portkey. We will distract them”

“No!” she said as she tucked the envelope underneath her shirt “I won’t leave you guys!”

Bursts of green light suddenly surrounded and trapped each one, dragging them back to the court before materializing into human form. Each one, except for Rose who stood at the center, was restrained and trapped by two or more Archers.

“Did you really think” Maierhoffer said as he marched towards Rose, “that Ateneans could stand a chance against us? I am going to make this simple, little girl. Hand me the envelope. Or watch your friends… die.”

Before Rose could bitterly give in, a blinding burst of blue light streaked from the locker room entrance and landed between Rose and Maierhoffer.

“Get away from my dormer” demanded dorm Director Timothy Gabuna who punched the Archer straight in the face.

A second wave of blue light broke through the dark General Admission entrances and spiraled like a cool and strong maelstrom around the dome ceiling before splitting into seven streaks and landing at either end of the court. Standing strong and resolute, Fr. Bienvenido Nebres, Vice President Assunta Cuyegkeng, Deans Marlu Vilches and Rudy Ang, Alumni director Jun Dalandan, Prof. Ricardo Abad and alumni Chris Tiu had arrived.

“You guys are not the only ones who can set a trap.” yelled Harry who managed to contact the administrators abroad and Chris Tiu a few hours before the attack.

The Archers deployed their spells and curses at the newly arrived combatants while some of their panic-stricken supporters started heading towards the exit. Ricky Abad who was situated near the exit, foiled their attempts to escape by uprooting the Patron and Lower Box chairs with his incantation “Disiplinus Actorus” and hitting his targets one by one.

Jun Dalandan on the other hand found himself surrounded by the Gang Green, the loyalist alumni faction.

“Helloooo!” Dalandan said.

“Mr. Dalandan” A GGG member said “I remember seeing you in that photo with the Suspended banner group. Think it was cute?”

“Think it was funny?”

“Think it was alright to pose with the other GAY Ateneans?”

“TAE-neans…”

“That’s right! Gay Tae-neans”

“Well…” Dalandan said “If you have a problem with the alumni… Maybe you should talk to them yourselves... Right now!”

He brandished his own wand and enunciated his signature spell as Alumni director “Expecto Alumnus!” spewing blue avatars of loyal Ateneo alumni: “Mother Goose,” “Legal Eagle,” “Kicking Eagle,” “Myopic Eagle,” Bluewing, “Posterized” and “Atenista Comm”… Each avatar dueled with one Gang Green member. Except for Atenista Comm’s shade who was surrounded by the leaders of the Gang Green.

“Mhon-Mhoooon! Kahit na illusion ka lang, we are going to enjoy this…”

Atenista Comm-Avatar started streaking around his opponents quickly, entrapping them like a tornado “HYUKHYUKHYUKHYUKHYUK” the apparition screamed, dizzying the Archer’s loyalists till they lost consciousness.

“Harry! Rose!” Fr Ben said. “Go now! Marlu and Rudy will cover you all the way. Fr. Joey and Toby will meet you in Ateneo. Prepare the potion.”

Harry and Rose ran as fast as they could. They quickly caught sight of Vice President Cuyegkeng who was ready to fight a four-on-one duel with Malabes, Bagatsing, Andrada and Maierhoffer. Cuyegkeng zapped each Archer with her incantation “BYOB!”

The Archers crumpled to the ground and started struggling as if invisible boxes were trapping them.

“You are all PHASED OUT!” Cuyegkeng screamed as she recited her next spell “CLAYGO” tossing the boxed Archers to the Gen Ad section.

“Now that’s what I call boxed out, Ma’am” Tiu said as he and Nonoy shot Stunning Spells at Joshua Webb who managed to dodge all the curses by jumping, gliding and flying around Upper A.

“The eeensy weensy Spider went up to Upper A!” he taunted while shooting counterspells at his adversaries “No one could stun him and take the Spider out…”

“Chris” someone called.

Tiu turned around and found himself face-to-face with his old nemesis, JV Casio.

“JV! You’re part of this too?”
Before Casio could respond, avatars of Boom Gonzales and TJ Manotoc appeared in the commentators box.

“Oh MYYYY!” Gonzales-avatar said “This is a great rematch! A great, great rematch! This. Is. Fantastic!”

“They are still my team, Chris” JV said. “Just like old times eh?”

“So. One more time?” Tiu said

“You know, TJ” Gonzales-avatar said “It was not too long ago that Tiu and Casio led their teams in the fight for the spheroid. Will Ateneo bounce back from this win? Will this do it? WILL. THIS. DO. IT?”

“Chris. Sandali lang ha?” JV said as he turned towards the commentators.

“Good idea” Tiu said as he did the same thing.

“Together?”

“Yeah!”

“One.. two… three… ANIMO LA SALLE!” the adversaries yelled as they zapped the mock commentators to dust.

“Now where were we?” JV asked. “Ah yes. Ready?”

“There can only be one. As always.”

Both spells connected immediately. Green against Blue. Trying to outpower each other. In the end however, Tiu managed to overpower Casio, disarming him and knocking him out in the process.

“Till next time, JV” Tiu said.

“CHRIS LOOK OUT!” Nonoy shouted

“ANIMO LA SALLE!”

The Killing Curse cast by Webb hit Tiu directly, forcefully and powerfully in the chest sending the former captain flying, gliding. Time seemed to have stopped as the horrified and shocked combatants watched Tiu arcing almost too gracefully in the air and falling with finality into the dark void of the Upper B section. There wasn’t even a thud.

Seven
Black the Blue

Nonoy saw Webb’s triumphant face as he turned and ran gleefully towards the corridor outside. Summoning all his anger and contempt, Nonoy Baclao ran after his new nemesis.

“I KILLED CHRIS TIU! I KILLED…”

They were now near the Green Gate exit.

“ANIMO LA SALLE!” Baclao blasted.

Webb was struck down before he reached the gates. The Killing Curse however was not potent enough. Nonoy ran towards his fallen enemy, determined to finish the job. A moment of hesitation, then mercy, then compassion…

“You have to mean it, Nonoy.” a cold chilling voice whispered out of nowhere. “He killed him. He deserves it. You know the spell, Nonoy….”

Standing in front of Nonoy Baclao now was Webb’s master himself.

“Run! Joshua! I’ll take care of this.”

“Run along too Nonoy!” a deep voice from behind bellowed.

“Black!” Pumaren screamed then sneered at his former San Miguel Head Coach

“It was foolish of you to come here tonight Franz. The Board members are on their way…”

“By then, I would have escaped. And you shall be dead.”

Pumaren started using his magic to hurl all the surrounding machines at Black who used his counterspells to disintegrate them one by one.

Black refused to retaliate.

“What? You do not want to kill me, coach? After the many times I embarrassed you in court?”

“We both know that there are other things worse than defeat, Franz. Killing you doesn’t satisfy me at all…”

“THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN LOSING, BLACK!”

Pumaren sent another curse and Black deflected it for the second time.

“You’re wrong, Franz. Indeed, your inability to accept that there are other things worse than losing has always been your greatest weakness.”

“I am not weak! I am never weak” Pumaren screamed, casting a long green rope that lassoed Black.

“Press” Pumaren hissed his incantation. “Yes, Black! The nightmare press. Squeeze him!”

“Oh Franz” Black said “I knew how to beat this a long time ago”

And summoning all his strength, Black broke free from the Press. The force was so powerful that it threw Pumaren a few meters backwards.

Frustrated, the fallen Pumaren sent several green arrows towards his former mentor. Black countered by casting small blue eagles that swallowed all arrows in whole.

“We shall meet again, Black. In the meantime, why don’t you go back and attend to your grieving friends. You may have won this round but guess what? My Sophomore did what nobody else has done. He killed Chris Tiu! Now that’s cheesssyyyyy…”

A blinding green light flashed around the area and when it receded, Franz Pumaren was nowhere in sight.

When Norman Black climbed up the Upper B section, he found Nonoy, Dr Cuyegkeng and the others. Nonoy was holding Tiu’s blue jacket.

They couldn’t find the body.

Finale:
The Dance of the ID Violators

College Covered Courts
Three Days After

The gathering at the covered courts was bittersweet. It was on the one hand, a celebration of Ateneo’s victory over the League and their attempts to corrupt the Atenean’s minds. Yet the event was also arranged to honor the memory of someone who fell while defending his schoolmates and teachers.

“And so to close this program…” Rene San Andres said, “We have a special performance by this semester’s three-time ID Violators. Can we please make some space in the center of the courts please… Thank you…”

Two dozens of students entered the square and started performing a slow, interpretative dance of a song entitled “Clean As You Go”:

There’s a place in the caf
And I know that it is far
And this place is just near the exit
And if you really try, you’ll find
that there is no line
And this place is really not kadiri
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the kuya’s
Make a little space, make a cleaner place.

CLEAN AS YOU GOOOOO
Make this a cleaner place
For you and for me
And the entire Gonzaga…

Then the song "Smocket" came next:

You and I must buy a pack
Then we'll smoke 'em in the baaaack
of this buildiiiing
Let's go theeere
(Let's go there)

Looks like we don't have lightersss
We will borrow from others
And if they don't have,
We can't smoooke...
(We can't smooke)
(WE CAN'T SMOOOKE!)

If they don't have lighters
We can't smoke.

Then they ended their performance with this song as a response to the League of Anti-Ateneans’ accusation that Ateneans are arrogant and selfish:

We are the world,
We are Ateneans,
We are the ones who’ll make a brighter day,
So let`s start givin`,
There`s a chance we`re takin`,
We`re takin all our lives,
It`s true we`re make it a brighter day just you and me.


After the dancers finished their performance and cleared the area, the Blue Eagles went up the stage to say a few words. Last to speak was Sophomore Ryan Buenafe.

“I just wanna say…” Buenafe said

“Taena, pare!” somebody from the audience said “Nag-English!”

“Shhh!” his companion hushed him

“Ever since I was a Freshman, Chris has been the best Captain you could ever imagine. And I just wanna say… I miss him so much!” then he broke down.

“We wanna thank you all for loving my brother.” someone who grabbed the mike from Buenafe said. “Thank you and good night.”

“Dude, sino yun?”

“Si Charles Tiu yan, pare. Kapatid niya.”

“Ulooool. Mas cute siya aaaahhh… What?”

Somewhere near the entrance of the covered courts, Little Ricky, a Prep student in the Ateneo Grade School, was looking for his parents among the crowd. He was starting to cry.

“Hey!” a tall Chinese young man, wearing cap and shades, called out to Little Ricky. “Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for my mom and dad. Can you help me mister?”

“Yeah sure!” the stranger said “I happen to have one of those Marauder Maps here with me. What are your parents’ names, son?”

“Romel and Margaret Santas.”

“Lemme scan my map first, okay?”

“Thank you, mister! By the way, you kinda remind me of him.”

“Who?”

“Chris Tiu! My parents really love him. But they say he’s gone forever.”

“Well. He had to go some time right?”

“But he was really one of a kind!”

“Not really! I’m sure that if you work hard, you’ll even be better than Chris Tiu.”

“Really mister? You think so?”

“Of course! Ah here they are! By the hotdog stand. Judging by the way they’re moving, they must be looking for you also. Hurry before they start walking away”

“Thank you, mister! Who are you by the way?”

“Just an alumnus, son. Just an ordinary alumnus.”

He looked on as Little Ricky ran towards the hotdog stand to find his parents. Then he lowered his eyes and looked at the map, at the names of the people he worked with moving around: Fr. Ben, Ma’am Achoot, Rabeh, Nonoy… Then his eyes eventually found his own name. Standing there, near the exit, where he knew for now he belonged.

The tip of his wand touched the paper.

“Goodjab” he whispered.
__________________________

Harry Potter and the Half-Witted Revenge of the Pollens | First Four Chapters

Introduction
This madness started two years ago. It was a quiet afternoon and I was stressed with post-Midterm checking. I decided to while the time away by writing a silly nonsensical blog entry in Multiply called “The Battle of Ateneo,” an Atenean-styled parody of a pivotal chapter in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I toyed around with the idea of professors and students working together to protect their school and started wondering: what would Ateneo be like if it was invaded by incredible, strong adversaries? What powers would the legendary Ateneo professors have? What resources would be used? What myths could be deployed?

Contacts found the stupid thing amusing and started reposting what was once a stand-alone piece in forums and in e-mail exchanges. Peer pressure “forced” me to write three more chapters. Later, founders of the now defunct AnimoAteneo.com asked for my permission to post the piece as an article in their website. I agreed. Who would read an absurd parody anyway? Well, the AnimoAteneo.com users did. And pretty soon, Harry Potter the Atenean found himself delighting students and alumni of all ages around the world. I even received a note from Dr. Ma. Assunta Cuyegkeng (who will make yet another appearance in a few moments), telling me how much she enjoyed the piece. And I thought I was going to lose my job!

Now, currently a Masters student in NUS and on leave from teaching duties, I find myself writing a sequel. Much like its predecessor, the sequel was written for no apparent reason. Perhaps it is an absurd documentation of my homesickness and love for my alma mater – a love that has endured bouts and rounds of disillusionment and first hand experiences with the institution’s imperfections (but that is another story).

For now, here is Harry Potter and the Half-Witted Revenge of the Pollens, longer and more absurd than ever.

Parody takes its shape, form and life from stereotypes, (mis)conceptions and shared public knowledge. If the parody is to succeed, it must play around with these caricatures with unapologetic humor and exaggerations articulated with virtual impunity. To the people (students and professors, Ateneans and non-Ateneans alike) who are featured here, understand that more likely than not, it is your office or a particular aspect in your public life that is represented and parodied here. And to the characters casted as “villains,” remember that heroes are only as great as the villains who oppose them. The things the characters will say here are my own doing and do not necessarily reflect whatever philosophies, ideologies, perspectives the parodied characters have in real life.

Enjoy!

M. L.
AB 2007
Singapore


Prologue

PLDT CTC Building
2:oo PM

CTC 103. Dr. Luisa Torres-Reyes, Chair of the Department of English, silenced her class with a stern look then she chalked a simple sentence on the board. “Your attention, please” Reyes said “In today’s class, we will be turning bad sentences into great compositions.” Bored eyes were fixed on the professor.

“Now” Reyes continued “Remember the nice wrist movement we’ve been practicing. The Jeswitik! Altogther…” The freshmen picked up their wands and swayed their wrists as they practiced before “… the Jeswitik! ”

“Now, enunciate” Reyes pointed her wand at the sentence and chanted the incantation “Bola-bola” The simple sentence turned into a paragraph. The spell captured the interest of the students for a few seconds before all eyes trailed to the darkening sky outside. “That’s weird” a student said “Wasn’t the sky cloudless a minute ago?”

CTC 105. The subtle babble and murmur abruptly died as the Jesuit Philosophy professor marched towards the platform in authoritative strides. “There will be no Metaphysics or those cute little Meron-Merons in this class. As such many of you may not appreciate the subtle brilliance that is Michel Foucault’s philosophy however for those select few, who possess the predisposition… I can teach you how to discipline the mind and punish the senses. I can teach you how to produce docile bodies, deflect the panoptical gaze and even deploy sexualities. Then again….” he fixed his gaze on a group of students looking out the window “Some of you may come to this class with abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough… to not pay attention…”

“Sorry Father!” the surprised Junior said “I was just observing the weather outside. It looks like a storm’s coming…”

An announcement breaking through the PA system interrupted the professor: “Attention. All Loyola Schools Faculty members. Please leave your class with work and report to the old Comm Dept building. This is an emergency but not a cancellation of class. To all students: this is a life-or-death emergency but we are not canceling class. Do the work assigned to you.”

One
The Fall of the Faculty

Comm Studio
The Old Communication Department Building
3:00 PM

Confused professors squeezed themselves inside the studio. Front and center was Augustin Rodriguez, chair of the School Forum and the meeting’s master of ceremonies.

“Can we have silence please?” Rodriguez called out. “Can we…” Realizing that the meeting had to be called to order immediately, Rodriguez took his wand out, placed the tip on his throat and muttered “Eloquentia Magis… ATTENTIOOON!”

“Gus. What are we doing here?”

“Why are we in this room, noh? Why can’t we be in Leong, noh?”

“The way this meeting’s handled. This is so not good for our rankings.”

“Hoy! Asan na yung coffee machine? Ba’t walang coffee machine? Ibalik ang coffee machine. Achooooot!”

“Dr. Cuyegkeng” Rodriguez said “and Fr. Ben and all the administrators are currently abroad if you remember the memo. Now I’m calling this meeting because we have received information that the school might be in danger. That’s why we are holding this meeting here, away from the main University grounds, away from the students.”

“We have contained the Swine Flu na, noh?”

“There’s another typhoon?”

“No, Ma’am, it has nothing to do with Swine Flu” the School Chair continued “And yes, another typhoon’s hitting the Philippines tomorrow but we’re handling that already. For now, the cancellation of classes will be placed in the ‘Under Discernment Category’ We will be confirming cancellation of classes by 12 noon tomorrow. That is not our concern. This is: we have reason to believe that… the League of Anti-Ateneans have returned”

Gasps echoed throughout the room.

“That’s impossible. The League has been extinct for decades,” a professor said, turning to Fr. Roque Ferriols SJ “I don’t think it’s possible that the League would return without us sensing their presence.”

“Ah!” Ferriols replied “Hindi dapat natin isipin na imposible iyan. Marahil na kailangang nating ulitin ang karanasan ng pakikipagsapalaran sa mga taong walang-wala na sa kanilang pagmemeron.”

The professors nodded in agreement.

“New reliable evidence also suggests” Rodriguez said “that the attack two years ago led by the La Sallians was orchestrated by League of Anti-Ateneans. The League used the students and staff of La Salle to do their dirty work. Our current truce with La Salle tells us that they are no longer susceptible to the League’s manipulations. They seem to have found another way. Now…”

A hooded and masked figure suddenly appeared behind Rodriguez

“… a member of the League has decided to defect to our side in exchange for protection, amnesty and an autographed Chris Tiu jersey. He is here to tell us about the League’s plans.” Rodriguez then gave the stage to the man and sat down in the first row.

“The situation is quite simple.” the man croaked “It will always be… Animo La Salle!” he screamed while sweeping his wanded arm. A green wave engulfed the room, from left to right, knocking all the professors out.

Three more hooded figures Apparated inside the room.

“Well done, Mr. F” a new arrival said

“Can we please change the incantation for the Killing Curse, Mr. Q?” F said “I no longer wish to evoke the power of that other school that failed to do our bidding.”

“When the sun rises tomorrow, Mr. F” Q said, “There won’t be any need for the Killing Curse.”

“I can still hear breathing.” the other figure, M said “Why are they not dead?”

“Strange. Let me see.” Q then pointed his wand upward. The white hissing smoke emanating from his wand revealed an odd-looking puncture in the air. “Aha!”

“What?”

“Mr. F, your Killing Curse passed through the famous portal of the Ateneo Comm dept. The portal I believe, filtered out the effects of the Killing Curse. They’re just out cold. No matter. We can attend to them later. To the LS grounds!”

A few seconds after the League members Disapparated, two ghosts emerged from the portal and hovered gently over the unconscious professors. One ghost turned to his companion “Send word to all the resident spirits of PIPAC, Cervini, Eliazo… all of them. Make sure they find the Sanggunian President. Hurry. There is no time to waste…”

Two
The League of Anti-Ateneans

Colayco Pavilion
Manny V. Pangilinan Building
4:00 PM

Student council President Gio Tingson crossed his arms and stared coldly at the emissary of the League of Anti-Ateneans. As a player for the Blue Eaglets in his High School days, Gio mastered the art of staring his opponents down, refusing to be intimidated by any foe, regardless of size and number. Still, he could not help but feel a sense of fear. The administrators were abroad and the professors, according to the report of the resident MVP ghost, were all incapacitated. Standing behind him were the different members of the Student Council, representing the House of De La Costa, the House of Leong, the House of Escaler and the House of Gokongwei.

“On behalf of The League of Anti-Ateneans, I would like to extend my advanced deep condolences to the demise of the Ateneo community.”

“What is this League and what have we done? Why do you want to kill us.” Gio said

“Only a stupid man would call what you have, lives, Gio. Partying, not caring for the poor and the sick, parading your arrogance with your high sense of entitlement. These are not the principles an educated person should live by. Your ill community has produced the worst the Philippines has seen.”

“The League of Anti-Ateneans has been a check for Atenean arrogance for almost two centuries. We were behind the Jesuit expulsion and the execution of Rizal. We burned your Intramuros campus to the ground. Every time Ateneans reach the peak of their arrogance, we return to restore the balance. The movement towards humility will be unstoppable this time…”

“There are so many good people here, Mr. C” Gio said “Give us more time.”

“You are defending an institution that has been so corrupted with arrogance that termination becomes the only solution. We are back to finish the job. And this time none of your magis bull will be able to stop us… Like the rest of your alumni, all of you lack the humility that is absolutely necessary. If someone stands in the way of being a true educated person, you simply walk in front of him and stab him in the heart.”

C then pulled a knife from his robe and lunged at the Sanggunian President who with lightning speed, grabbed his neck with one hand.

“No…”

“You’re dead, you’re all…”

“YOU’RE GAY!” Gio shouted and chokeslammed him to the floor, knocking him out.

“Woooo! Gio! Lakas” his Sanggunian colleagues shouted “Palibhasa ang girl mo sikat…”

“Shaddap! There’s work to be done. Gather everyone. Students may assemble by orgs or by course. Then regroup here in 10 minutes for our battle plan …”

As the student leaders went off to gather their constituents, Gio noticed that somebody was missing.

“Where’s Rose?”

Heads turned left and right. The president of the Ateneo Resident Student Association was indeed missing. Little did they know that something sinister was afoot in the highest point on campus…

Ateneo de Manila University Residence Halls
4:05 PM

All that Rose could get from the Cervini and Eliazo ghosts was that the school was in danger. With Timothy Gabuna abroad with the Nebres contingent and the dorm mentors somewhere in the Comm Dept, she decided that it was best to tell the dormers to stay inside their rooms. Having witnessed the Battle of Ateneo two years ago, she told them to prepare for anything. Wands out. And to practice Stunning and Disarming with their roommates.

Before she and her dorm council could step out and head off to Colayco, the corridor and room-to-room pagers and intercoms crackled and a pitched voice spoke over the system:

“This afternoon you’re all gonna be part of a post-ARSA OrSem experiment. We have placed two small red boxes in the complex. The box for the upperclassmen is under the water tank. The freshmen will find theirs in the paved walk between Cervini and Eliazo. Insidebv the box is a remote control that will give the opposite dorms the biggest BANG ever! Blow up the opposite dorms.”

“In 15 minutes, we blow you all up. If however, a freshman or an upperclass presses the button, we will let their two dorms live. Any attempt to escape or cross over to the other dorms and you all die. So which will it be? Timothy Gabuna’s apples OR the sunshine of his life? You choose! Oh and you might want to decide quickly because the people in the other dorms might not be so noble… 1-2-3 Bang!”

Three
Student-Centered Fighting

Field Between the SocSci Building
and De La Costa Hall
4:15 PM

The plan was to group all students into teams made up of members from different Houses. Some teams were assigned to different buildings and use them as points for attack while the rest were given patrol-and-strike duties. Each team would also have specialized members to reinforce and strengthen the group’s attack efficiency. Selected students were also asked to stay in their respective Houses to man and control their assigned support Center.

“Okay, okay” said Gio who being a Philo major, decided to preside over the briefing for the De La Costa House, now the Center for Reinforcements.

“You all know what you’re supposed to do. I want the Creative Writing Majors and the Editorial Board of Heights to group with the Literature Majors inside the Natividad Galang Fajardo Room. You! Make sure there are lots of papers inside that room. The CW Majors will write and create as many fictional fighting characters as possible. Lit Majors, you will bring those characters to life.”

“Gio!” a CW major called out “Since we are not Palanca winners or established writers yet, the life span of our characters will not be that long. At the most, they can only fight for an hour, even less, before disintegrating to dust. Nevertheless, we will keep on writing”

“No worries, pare!” a Lit Major replied “We will arm your characters with special abilities. We are after all good at producing hybridity and all that.”

“Some of my coursemates” a Philosophy student interjected “will help turn your characters into ubermench, SUPERMEN, as well!”

“And if all these will fail” an IS major said “We will energize your characters by combining two unlikely skills!”

“Great!” Gio said “ID majors?”

“We are assuming” an ID major replied “that the League prepared for this battle a long time ago. We are assuming that they have a mental map of the campus. Our job is to strike them from behind and wipe their visual memories out in order to disorient them. We will take advantage of their temporary confusion and take them down. We have majors stationed in every building. They will be working with the teams assigned there.”

“We have also designed” she continued “a Marauder map of the Ateneo campus. Each team leader will have a copy. To ‘activate’ the map the user need only to touch the paper with the tip of his wand and say ‘I solemnly swear that I am so good. I know, right?’ and to deactivate it ‘Goodjab!’”

“With your permission, ” interrupted Mikey Panopio, Company Manager of Tanghalang Ateneo “we’re taking all the Theatre Arts majors and grouping them inside the Rizal Mini-Theatre. They will be working with the members of Tanghalang Ateneo, Blue Rep and Entablado. We have a special surprise for the enemies.”

“Alright! You’re all set. To those assigned in NGF, go to your stations! And for the rest, join your teams” Gio called out “One Big Fight!”


Leong Auditorium
Ricardo Leong Hall
4:15 PM

While Gio Tingson was busy briefing De Le Costa House, Vice President Jauro Castro found himself in Leong Auditorium, now the Center for Reconnaissance, Espionage and Battlefield Intelligence, meeting with the key leaders from Leong House.

“Sandali lang po” Jauro called “Makinig muna po tayo… Okay, okay, unang-una sa lahat: all Psych majors, AB at BS po, please group yourselves into three: Behavioral, Social and Personality group, Cognitive group and Abnormal group… SANDALI LANG PO, hindi ko sinasabi na ang nasa abnormal ay abnormal…

“Let me help you, Jauro” Kacci Morales said “Okay. Listen! Make sure that all strike teams in all buildings and roads will have at least one Behavorial and Abnormal member. Behavioral-Social-Personality people you are in charge of boosting the morale and efficiency of your team, increase their accuracy and all that. You know the spells. Abnormal people, you are part of the offensive, cast any and all forms of disorders to the enemies. You guys know what to do. Cognitive people, come with me. We are going to do what our professors did in the first attack: we are locking ourselves in a room and use our psychic abilities to disrupt whatever mental processes our enemies have. We will also try to read their minds to know about their plans. Let’s move out!”

“Some of the Comm people will join the Cognitive group too!” a Com student said

“Okay! Salamat Kacci! Ngayon… okay. The History and Euro Majors will summon soldiers from their respective cultures, the SocSci and DS majors are armed with I-Bombs, ideology bombs, and the Eco Majors are with the Gokongwei people in Ching Tan. Pagtapos na po kayo, maari no po kayong pumunta sa mga grupo ninyo.“

Escaler Hall
Science Education Complex – A
4:15 PM

Students of Health Sciences, Life Sciences and Bio Majors busied themselves by preparing masks, band-aids and other medical equipment in the Escaler lobby, now the Medical/Emergency Room, while the Chem, Physics and CS majors were either in Schmitt and Faura to prepare whatever weapons they could invent in a short time.

Inside one of Escaler Hall’s small rooms, Rob Roque was quickly giving assignments to each Course Rep. “Each team must have two Health Sci, Life Sci or Bio major to serve as the team medics. They will also be in charge of ensuring that the more seriously injured would be safely transported here for treatment. We will wait for the other members of the Escaler House to return with whatever they have. Something is better than nothing at this point…”

“Rob!” a Bio major said “We have finished packing the medical kits. I’m just concerned that there won’t be enough when the attack begins. Our supplies are very limited”

“All our supplies are…” Rob replied “Medical equipment, wands, papers for the CW majors, even morale and magis, I think. That is why we are hoping that our friends in Gokongwei House will not fail us…”


Ching Tan Room
John Gokongwei School of Management
4:15 PM

Laptops open and plugged. Webcams ready. Knuckles crackling. Arrrneow accent rehearsed.

Selected students from the House of Gokongwei were now ready to man and operate the Supplies and Logistics Center. From here they would buy and sell from stores and receive them via Apparition. They would then have to account them first before distributing them outside. Now in control of all the funds of the Sanggunian and the COA and JSEC, the students of the House of Gokongwei must now ensure that the fighters have everything they need.

They have also assigned point persons called Acolytes in key points on campus to facilitate the distribution of items.

“Okay! Are we all set?” Daryll Santillan called out “Those assigned here in Ching Tan, please take your seats. The rest, please join your teams. One Big Fight to all of us.”


Sanggunian Room
Manny V. Pangilinan Building
4:30 PM

Nervous shouts were heard outside.

“MOOOOB! C’mon Berchmans Teams, MOOOOB!”

“Faura people. Takbo. MOOOOB!”

“Wooooo! Go Ateneo!”

“Wait! Last yosi muna!”

The Sanggunian officers inside were relishing the nervous calm before the storm, a silence broken only be the arrival of ARSA President Rose Cupin.

“Where have you been Rose?” Gio asked

“Sorry. We were on the way but got a little side-tracked” Rose said before telling everyone what happened

“What? So how did you guys escape?”

“Oh. The idiots did not know that our beloved guards, Mang Palac and Ate Tonette knew how to diffuse the bombs. They even managed to disconnect the wire that would allow whoever those people were to trigger the bombs by themselves. Anyway, the dormers have joined the other strike teams… I have also assigned some of them to guard the Residence Halls premises just in case…”

“Great! Now all we need are those radios so we can communicate with each other.” Gio said.

“Uuuuh, Gio?” Jauro said “We… do not have the radios now. We can’t have them.”

“Why not?”

“Errrr. We have to reserve them two days in advance eh. They can’t be released now…”

“So how can we…” the frustrated President said, banging the computer table. Then he had an idea. “Tell all centers and stations to create Facebook accounts…”

It was 4:30 but the sky was already dark. The Ateneans took one deep big breath, hoping that the setting sun now would not end Ateneo’s day for good.

Four
The Second Battle of Ateneo

Gio Tingson’s News Feed Page
Facebook.com
5:00 PM

Gio Tingson: Centers, Sound off!

Escaler Hall: Aaah! The great outdoors! Are we being invaded?

Ching Tan Room: My life for Venus!
SOM Strike Team and JSEC Team Like This

Leong Hall: I shall be your eyesssss….

NatividadGF: Their pain shall be legendary!
Gonzaga Hall Likes This

Gio Tingson: According to the Cognitive group, their primary targets will be the four centers. All garrisoned and patrolling teams stand-by. Here they come!

Berchmans Hall: They’ve Apparated out of nowhere. They’re in the quad! We’re hit!

Kostka Hall: Taena! Clones! The League’s main troops are our clones. OMG! Their clothes are ugly! Feature nga natin sa Ateneo Fashion Watch! Attack! Attack!
Berchmans Hall (comment): IKR!
Dollhouse Team(comment): WALEY! Chaka!

Rizal Library: Enemy reinforcements Apparating in front of the Lib!
Blue Babble Battalion (comment): K lang! Sunugin ang books!
Rizal Library (comment): Gago! Help!
Natividad GF(comment): Sending our first batch of creatures now.

SEC – A: Three enemy platoons Apparating in the parking lot and in SEC Walk. Help! Malapit na po sila sa Med Center
SEC – B (comment): Sending reinforcements now.
SEC- C (comment): Ditto!
SEC – B (comment): @SEC-C: Wag na! You guys need to stay with the CTC bloc.

Ching Tan Room: We have purchased three boxes of Luck Potions. Go to your nearest Acolytes now.
You and 4 Others Like This

Escaler Hall: Injury count: Fifteen.

Escaler Hall --> Ching Tan Room: Mga tsong! We need potions and band aids ASAP
See Wall-to-Wall

Ching Tan Room --> Escaler Hall: Kk!
See Wall-to-Wall

Quad Team has killed 38 League of Anti-Atenean Forcesand now ranks #1 among his friends. Click here to beat his score.

Leong Hall: Psych Majors have intercepted their plans. Guys. Watch the skies. Incoming.
Church of the Gesu(comment): We see them. OMG (Sorry God). They’re eagles. Evil eagles. Firing Stunning Spells from the Bell tower now.
Rose Cupin (comment): Dormers from the UDorm rooftop firing as well.
Gio Tingson (comment): Firing from MVP too.

Rizal Library: Attack squad in this area defeated. We’re clear!
You and 4 others like this.

Ching Tan Room --> Escaler Hall: Bro! Med supplies are here. Sending them now.

Manila Observatory: Environmental Science students have finished bringing the trees in this area to life. They are coming.

Rizal Mini Theatre: We are deploying our first batch of theatre actors now. They have all shape-shifted into Achilles, Hector and other ancient Greek warriors. Where shall we send them?
Berchmans (comment): Sa quad po. We are really being overwhelmed.

Blue Babble Battalion killed 54 League of Anti-Atenean Forces and now ranks #1 among his friends. Click here to beat his score.

Escaler Hall: Injury Count: 20.

Ching Tan Room: We have purchased 20 dozens of Boots of Speed. This is only for patrolling teams. Claim from your nearest Acolyte.
Quad Team (comment): Bro! Boots of Travel naman!
Ching Tan Room (comment): Mahal! May budget po tayo!

Dollhouse killed 101 League of Anti-Atenean Forces and now ranks #1 among his friends. Click here to beat his score.

Berchmans Hall: We are overwhelmed. We are abandoning the building.
Gonzaga Hall (comment): Kami rin!

Kostka Hall has just bought Berchmans Hall in Friends For Sale.

Kostka Hall has just bought Gonzaga Hall in Friends For Sale.

Kostka Hall: Berchmans and Gonzaga have fallen. All surviving teams are with us here in Kostka Hall now. BV!!!!!
Natividad GF (comment): We are sending our next two waves of creatures to that area. Retake Berchmans first then Gonzaga.

Kurdapia Lopez: eLOw poE. aNo pOH ang gINAgaWa niYo? pUwEde po maKIsaLi? cN u b my pWeNd? kThNxByE!!!!

Leong Hall: Last batch of enemy reinforcements Apparating in front of Macci.
CTC (comment): Taenang Macci yan! It’s MATEO RICCI!

CTC: HAHAHAHA! Mga tanga! They Apparated instead in the field between CTC and SEC-C. They are moving targets from our windows.
SEC-C (comment): Potah! May tatlo pang natira! Tumatakbo. ASABOOOOOI!
CTC (comment): GG na boi!

Berchmans Hall: We have regained control of this place
Gonzaga Hall (comment): Same here!

Leong Hall: Intelligence reports show that there are no enemies left in the area. Good job guys.

Sanggunian Room
Manuel V. Pangilinan Building
6:30 PM

Gio, Jauro, Rose, Miggy Zaballero the COA President and Nonoy Baclao (who volunteered to help defend MVP Hall), were about to join their schoolmates as they screamed with joy and relief when alumni Harry Potter entered the room.

“Guys” Harry said “This is far from over. Cover your noses and mouths. And look outside.”

From their window, the Ateneans saw green and yellow dust being churned by the ground and mixing with the air.

“Don’t inhale!” said Harry as he pointed his wand at a notebook and turned it into a Portkey. “Touch the Portkey, guys. Quickly.”

A quick gush of wind surrounded them and in a matter of seconds, they found themselves in the dark Upper A section of an empty Araneta Coliseum.

___________________________

To be continued

Coming soon...

Five: The Department of Scalpers
Finale: Can You Tiu the Webb?